An old acquaintance contacted me a while back, she wanted to meet, talk about her feelings, she was “out of sorts” (her words). We met at a coffee shop. She arrived first. As I was parking my car, I could see her watching me, her face demonstrated concern. As I was using my credit card on the meter she was standing beside me, “do you know how to do this?”. She meant to be helpful. It reminded me, when we are feeling low, it is easier to look at others and attempt to “fix them” than spend the time we need on ourselves. Often, when people come to see me about challenges they face, the first 10 minutes are spent detailing what others are doing wrong. We prefer to diagnose others than ourselves.
I sometimes get caught up in that common human response to “feeling out of sorts”. I am not a control person, but I can see where a community challenge is leading, how it will play out, how the words and actions of today will be understood years from now. I want to protect people from themselves, “history will not be kind to this effort of yours”. But at a certain point, it is their legacy, not mine. I can share Martin Luther King’s words, “"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice”, but if folks desire to press on, there is not much more for me to say or do. I have enough of my own stuff to work on, I am not everyone’s fixer. I don’t want to be trying to fix others if I am not fixing me.
Brian Williams’ self-portrait
Thank God for those who care about us, who can rescue us from ourselves. If we choose to listen. On Sunday I was frustrated by those who choose to hug me without permission, as if it is their right to do so. It’s strange to hear the people who talk diversity assume those of us who don’t like people in our space are odd. So much for understanding. But as we gathered on Sunday night to worship my “rant” was excessive, overly negative, cranky even. My friend Brian waited for a break in the rant, then said, “For our Ministry of Music let’s sing This Little Light of Mine…” And we did. It was a reminder to me, of my own advice to others, when feeling “out of sorts” remember what connects us, makes us whole, brings us healing. As we sang, I felt a deep sense of peace. All I could think of was Matthew 7:3, “Why do you see the speck in your neighbour's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?” Before we fix others, we need to work on ourselves. And like you, I have work to do…